It's easy to fall off-balance, so how do you get back into your window of tolerance?
Or first, what is a window of tolerance? The term coined in 1999 by Professor Dan Siegel refers to the emotional state where a person can thrive and function at their best. The three zones within, above, and below the window of tolerance relate to the yogic teaching of the gunas. Yoga can help you to get and stay in your window, but it’s only part of a well-balanced life. People who actually practice yoga understand that it is one single tool in an entire support system.
If corporate tells you to just try a yoga class… it better be paired with other stuff too like a reasonable workload and a healthy work environment.
When someone tells me to “calm down” or “just take a deep breath”, that isn’t what I hear. What I hear is… “Calm down you’re being dramatic… I’m dismissing you because I’m not really listening to what you have to say…”
If you wait to be in the moment of frustration or intense emotion, it’s too late. When an intense emotion is activated, that is not the time to learn a new coping skill.
How the Gunas Relate to the Window of Tolerance
- Hyperarousal : Rajas
- Within the window : Sattva
- Hypoarousal : Tamas
If you wait to be in the moment of frustration or intense emotion, it’s too late.
Let me introduce you to the window of tolerance
There’s certain levels of attention that relate to the gunas. These three levels are above the window of tolerance (rajas), below the window of tolerance (tamas), and within the window of tolerance (sattva). When someone is “above” their window of tolerance, that means their systems are overactivated. By “systems”, I’m referring to the nervous system, energetic systems, emotions, etc. The downside of being above the window of tolerance can look like anxiety, rage, yelling, micro-managing, making hasty actions without listening. It can also look like sheer ecstasy, or being overexcited and not able to focus or make logical decisions.
On the other hand, being “below” the window of tolerance means that a person’s systems are underactive. This might show up as sleepiness, brain fog, depression, feeling heavy or slow, or lacking motivation. This is distinctly different from being at peace or feeling equanimous because it’s usually paired with heaviness and slowness in the mind or the body, sometimes both.
The window of tolerance lives between those two, and is generally thought of as the desired state of being. It allows someone to take in new information from a neutral perspective. From that space of neutrality, they’re able to integrate new habits and information.
Learning to breathe, or learning breathing techniques that support emotional states, is best learned within the window of tolerance, and not in a hyperactive state of mind, and not in an underactive state of mind.
How to Support Yourself from any of these states (gunas):
If you're "ABOVE" your window of tolerance (aka in a rajasic state of mind):
- Resist the urge to slap anyone who tells you to “calm down and take a deep breath.”
- If you were a kettle of water that came to a rolling boil, and you were about to spill over the edges, what would you do? You might want to take yourself off the stove. So in a situation that has you boiling, see where you can distance yourself from it. If you are in a meeting with your boss or you’re caring for a toddler throwing a tantrum, you can’t very well just leave, but you can create emotional distance or detach from the outcome.
- Try labeling your experience. Start with data, the factual information only, and pull it apart from the meaning you assign to it. For example, “the light is green and the driver in front of me hasn’t moved. I’m feeling frustrated,” is very different to the nervous system than laying on the horn and thinking, “OMG what is this fool doing?? Where did you learn to drive?” Paring down the situation to the data only makes it hard for the subconscious to reject. Don’t gaslight yourself and say, “whatever, it’s fine”, because your subconscious knows that isn’t true.
- Acknowledge the message your emotions are trying to tell you. If you’re amped up about something, it’s usually because you care. The healthiest expression of anger is change. Can you creatively channel your excess energy into making changes in your life and the world around you? For example, if you see posts on social media that make you feel an unpleasant emotion, can you “mute” that account or unfollow them completely?
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed, focus on your priorities and see what you can scratch off your to-do list, or erase completely. Think of the Urgent-Important Matrix that shows you how to prioritize stuff by urgency and importance, as its name suggests. List-making isn’t everyone’s jam, but I find it more soothing than aloe on a sunburn.
If you're "BELOW" your window of tolerance (aka in a tamasic state of mind):
- Can’t pick yourself up off the floor? That’s ok. Grab yourself a blanket and clear space for yourself to rest. Try some yoga postures you can do in bed or on the literal floor such as bridge, supine twists, supine pigeon, pencil stretch, or candlestick. (Check out this free yoga flow I developed for when you’re feeling a little down.)
- Meet yourself where you are and don’t “should” on yourself. Can’t find the motivation to make your bed? That’s alright, just shake off the top layer of crumbs. Don’t have the energy to clean the entire kitchen? That’s fine, so maybe just empty the trash and call it good. Do what you can and let the small stuff go.
- Small actions balanced by lots of rest are your friend here. The key is to allow yourself ample time to rest, or grieve, and decide when you can squeak in a small thing here and there, without burdening yourself or judging your progress.
- Pay attention to your biology. How have you been eating? Are you drinking enough water? How much are you on your phone or computer? When was the last time you saw sunshine or got outside? What’s your physical activity been like? Start with something simple to support your body’s biological needs.
If you're INSIDE your window of tolerance (aka in a sattvic state of mind):
- This is the time, like THE time, to integrate new information and practice new habits, right here right now. If you’re feeling good then take full advantage of it where you can! When you’re in your window of tolerance is the best opportunity to widen that window and create more space for the full range of human experiences and emotions life will likely toss your way.
- Set up your “life rafts” for when you get into challenging or stressful situations later. For example, it might be something simple like a sticky note with a mantra that you’ve been working with in your meditations. Which reminds me, maybe you could benefit from working with mantras in your meditations so you can remember them in those challenging or stressful situations?
- Notice how it feels to “ride the wave of life” from this balanced state of awareness. Find nuggets of proof that hyperactive worrying or a lack of energy doesn’t accomplish anything for you. Fully experience what it’s like to be present in this energetic state of mind.
- Accept this moment for what it is, without judgment. It’s likely that you’ll fall out of balance again sometime, and that’s alright. See if you can be in this present moment of balance without clinging to it, and without judging the other states because they each serve different purposes.
- Practice gratitude. This works from any of the three gunas, but once you’re within your window of tolerance, then it helps make that window wider. It gives more padding around the edges so that you don’t find yourself out of balance as frequently.
Questions for Self Reflection
Where would you put yourself on your personal “window of tolerance” scale right now?
List examples of situations when you’ve been above or below your window of tolerance. Are there any patterns when you begin to list them? And are there and cues that would warn you when they’re coming so that you can delay, avoid, or minimize them?
What kind of activities help you to stay balanced in the middle of your window of tolerance? Remember that actively trying to maintain that balanced center will help widen your window of tolerance.
References
Siegel, D. J. (2010). Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. New York. Bantam.
Desikachar, T. K. V. (1995). The Heart of Yoga: Developing a Personal Practice. Rochester, VT: Inner Traditions International.
Covey, Stephen R. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Restoring the Character Ethic. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989.